Funeral

Working as a hospice chaplain, I deal with death and dying everyday. But, the funeral I went yesterday put things in different perspective. It was for one of my co-worker's mom and nephew's sudden death last week. The whole family was on a vacation (grandparents, two sisters, and their 5 kids). And a very tragic car accident led the family to suddenly moan for two members of the family's death - the grandma and one of the kids.

Even for all of us at work who are supposedly the experts on dealing with deaths and losses, this one hit hard for many of us. One, it was so unexpected, and two our co-worker who suddenly lost her mom and a nephew was such a nice person with always positive and cheerful demeanor. She was always the one to lighten things up, and now here she was grieving her biggest loss in her young life.

It is true that we all will die. And, in that sense, death shouldn't come surprising to us. But, when it comes in a way that is least expected and least prepared, it not only comes surprising but shocking and with disbelief. You don't know what to do with it, and it will take many years to be able to come to somekind of resolution and move through the loss and grieving. Even as a chaplain, all I can do is to lift up a prayer for her family - that somewhere in the midst of all this God will be present with them with his comfort and peace.

This death also led me to think about "fear of death" we all have. Someone once said that most of how we live our lives are influenced by our attitude toward death. "Fear of death" doesn't necessarily mean we are afraid of death and dying. But, in my mind, it means we are nervous about the uncertainty and a sense of finality of death. And, this uncertainty and finality shape our present life powerfully and profoundly. And, this is the power of fear of death.

I wonder how much of how I live my life these days is being affected by my unresolved feelings about death. Do I cherish things because I might only get a limited chance at it? Do I rush things because I might run out of my time? Do I compete because I might never get another chance? Where is my sense of grace, giving, and assurance of life after death? Do I really believe in eternal life - so much that I live present life accordingly?

Yes, We will all die one day like everyone else will. The issue really is not when or how we will die but how we live our lives until our death one day. Are we living running away from death or are we living embracing the perspective that death brings and also the life after it?