They are here!

Thanks to God and everyone who's been praying and caring for us, the twin boys are finally here! Asher Park Bai and Kyler Park Bai born on 8/22/08. Today is actually their first month birthday! We pray for many more of their birthdays - not only to bring joy to our family but to all others. They are healthy and strong. Growing every minute. Kathy, my wife, is recovering well. And for me, many emotions that go through me as I learn what it means to be a father... Overjoyed and proud most of times, yet unsettling and impatient at other times... More on this later, hopefully. But, for now, here are some pictures. And, I'm off to sleep!

Asher and Kyler!

Yes, it's official now. Kathy's pregnant with twin boys. The due date is sometime in August, and we are now getting pretty anxious just anticipating the miracle happening. We are calm and feel as ready as we could be, but we also know that there probably are many things we just couldn't have prepared ourselves for - just because we've never done this before!

Right now, yes, we are grateful. But, we are also in some sense resisting the time to go too fast. On one hand, we are eager to see the boys, but we know it will create many changes in our lives that we might not be ready for. We know we will do our best in raising the kids, but for now, we are saying, "ah, what have we done???"

Clearly, God has given this precious gift(s). And, we are well aware of God's involvement and plans in this. May we be faithful to our responsibilities as parents. May we find the wisdom and strength to do so. And, I pray Kathy will have an easy labor - safe, healthy, and meaningful to her as mom. It makes me very proud she is doing as well as she is with this twin pregnancy so far.

By the way, Asher means "blessing" in Hebrew and Kyler means "church" in some European language (Scottish?). We picked because of the meanings as well as simply the sound of them.

Baptism for Brian

We had baptism for Brian today - officially the first one at CITC. It was about time for Brian, and we are all very happy for him. God has done great things in and through Brian over the past 2 years, and I'm excited to see what he will continue to do in his life.

It was a celebration for CITC as a body. A lot of great food (thanks to Josh), and a great time with Brian's family and his close friends.

May the Lord continue to equip and empower Brian according to His perfect will!

p.s. we did it using a portable pool in the backyard of our house - what a great atmosphere it was!

Grace of GOD

Recently something happened to me that blew my mind off. You hope and expect a certain thing to happen. And, God showers you with the double of what you were hoping for. No, I'm not saying God's grace is found only in the things we receive from him. Even if we don't receive what we hope for, we still have God's grace on us. However, when you are at peace with what you have now but wish that something else could be given to you, and YOU RECEIVE DOUBLE, I think that's just a small way God surprises us and that's a form of God's grace. He probably doesn't do that all the time because it will spoil us. But, once in a while, it sure is good to be reminded that God has a sense of humor and that humor is often times manifested with GRACE. Lord, you have GRACED me once again. Giving me more than what I asked for and deserve. Lord, may the gift of grace you have shown me continue to manifest itself in gracing others.

Taking care of a living being

Recently I had a chance to dog-sit a friend's dog. His name is Ho-Dol. A family dog of this friend... since the dog's father. So, he's a precious being to this friend who was going to be gone for more than a month for the first time!

Kathy and I always liked this dog and we had been thinking about possibly getting a dog ourselves. So, yea, what a great chance to "test it out".

Well, to say the conclusion first, We are NOT getting a dog. Ho-Dol was such a good dog, very well trained. But, still, taking care of another live being is not as easy and cute as it seems. You need to be responsible, yes, but it also requires a lot of love. I could see how one can do that if the dog was born into your family (like the case with my friend the dog-owner), but when it is thrown at you suddenly things change in your life and you have to adjust to it. Here is what I mean...

This dog LOVES coming into your bedroom and get into the bed with you. He's always clean so it's ok. But, just having another being in your room where it used to be just you and your spouse got some getting used to. Actually, we never got used to it and we had to train him to not come into the room (after several nights of sleeplessness for training him...). In the end, one good lesson from this unexpected involvement of another live being in my life... MY GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT NEEDS TO BE INVOLVED IN MY LIFE AND I NEED TO BE VERY SENSITIVELY AWARE OF HIS EXISTENCE.

Well, the dog went home after about two months of hanging out with us. We got used to him. I enjoyed playing with him. Giving him his favorite treats. Going to the park and running with him. Man, he's fast! And we missed him for few days after he left. But, in the end, we were glad we didn't have to take care of him forever. We wouldn't have been a good caretaker for him. We already have many people in our lives that we try our best to serve with God's love and another dog is not what we need at this time. However, a BABY? Taking care of this dog made us realize we are becoming more ready for having a baby. Some of you know what I mean...

Almost end of the year...

It's about time I write something on this blog... By the way, is anyone reading it??? Anyways, I've been spending more time with my "facebook", and I feel somewhat obligated to say something here... Actually, I do have a lot to share about what has happened in the past 3 months, and for that matter, this past year of 2007.

What a year it has been. We FINALLY moved to Long Beach in October. By God's grace, we found a good family to rent out our condo in Orange, and we found a nice house in Long Beach to rent for a year. We will see how it goes, and hopefully we can find a permanent house in Long Beach next year or two.

This year, however, was more than just moving to a new place. It's the whole decision that went into moving. What made us do it....

We are now doing a house church. Or I should say, we are BEING a church that meets in house now. We worship, eat, and share together. A long term process, not just an instant program for growth. Working with young(er) people, hoping to raise them up for God's kingdom work - wherever they might be...

Kathy and I feel good about where we are. It wasn't all easy. Especially getting some unexpected treatment from our neighbors when we first moved in (Ask me personally, if you really want to know what happened). But, through it all, I think God really has been teaching us great lessons. Shaping us and molding us into his image. No regrets, but only full of thankfulness and appreciations.

We really don't know what year 2008 holds for us. It sounds like we've been saying in every year for the past several that this new year would be a very important year for us. And, in every single year, it has been. So, I eagerly wait for year 2008 with a great expectation. Church, family, career... I expect God to continue to mold us according to his will. Perhaps some changes... hopefully no hardships. But, in goods and bads, I pray that I may have the courage and faith to choose what is right before God.

Lord, shape us evermore into your image. More loving, more gracious, and more faithful... May the Lord shape us and shape others through us. May we listen to your voices and have to courage to obey them. May us enjoy in processes and in the uncertainties of journey with you. Teach us more about you, not just in head but in heart. And, teach us more about this world - one that you created and loves so much.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Umm... I can still taste those wonderful dishes we had.

FINALLY IN LONG BEACH!

So, we finally made to Long Beach. After more than year of preparation, the door opened for us to move to Long Beach. CITC has already begun to function as a house church and now we have a central location in Long Beach that we all can call "HOME". May the Lord bless all that come into this house. May Kathy and I learn the joy and love of hospitality. May the Lord be our home in this place.

I had a dream...

I had a dream... not like the ones Martin Luther King Jr. had, but something that spoke to me powerfully both during and long after I was awaken by the dream....

There was a war going on. Everyone was involved in it. I don't remember who was fighting who, but the whole nation (if not the whole mankind) was engaged in it - without anyone being cynical or opposed to it at all. Everyone was supporting the war, doing everything they could to help. And, I was helping as a chaplain - like my current day job. And, Kathy, my wife, helping as pharmacist - again, like her current day job.

Both Kathy and I were stationed at a headquarter. Not really involved with any real combat but helping out with the main base where soldiers were getting ready to be deployed into the combat zone.

On one particular day, I was asked to spend time with a group of soldiers who were getting deployed to the combat zone that day. It was for me to be present with them in their final preparation time - to give them emotional lift in any way I could. But, in that final preparation time something powerful happened for me. The general asked each soldier in the group to say something about how they feel about being deployed into the combat zone. One by one, the soldiers spoke. Not in any rehearsed way, they spoke openly and honestly. Some trembling, and some in shaking voice, they spoke of fear - fear of unknowns, fear of possibly never returning back to this place.

The soldiers, however, did not stop at talking about their fears. Each went on to say, again honestly and openly, how despite of their fears they are committed to fighting this war - so much that they are willing to give up their life for it. There was no doubts, no hint of reservation in their voice. Yes, fear, but no holding back. And, in that moment, I experienced the power of one's ultimate sacrifice. What it means to give up the very last thing that is yours - your own life. The emotions of fear, yet the willingness and commitment to sacrifice for a cause that is bigger than your own life. As I was listening to their stories, I heard and learned what it means to give your all to something.

And, the dream goes on to a place I was absolutely not prepared for. An assistant to the general, pointing at me, asks him whether they should also take me with the rest of the group! It happened so fast, and I was speechless at hearing this suggestion. Things were happening fast suddenly. The soldiers were now getting ready to move out, the general seemed in hurry, and with only a short pause, states, "if we need to take him we will." What? I said to myself. What do you mean, "if we need to take him?" No one ever said, I need to go with this group. It was a mere suggestion by your assistant. No one asked for it, and you can simply say No!

But, all this shouting in my dream was unheard. I was shouting inside of me. But, I was speechless. The decision was made. And, I had few hours to get everything ready, and report with the group - to be deployed to the combat zone, with all those fears I was feeling for the soldiers but now suddenly feeling it in me in deeper level. I was looking for excuses not to go, but there was none. And, slowly, my heart started to tell me, it was time for me to go. I thought I was doing my best to serve the war by being a chaplain but it was now my time to give my life for it - a full surrender, sacrifice, and commitment.

I wanted to talk to Kathy. Wondering how I will break this news to her, how she would react to it, and in a small way hoping that she will oppose it so much that I will have an excuse not to go. But, when I broke the news to her, yes, she was shocked at first, but soon accepted the fact that it was time for me to. It was time for me to give my all, and Kathy knew it in her heart. We said goodbyes, and I woke up.

And, for a long time, I was lying in my bed, replaying the dream, and mostly revisiting the powerful emotions I felt when I was hearing the stories of the soldiers and also last when I was suddenly expected to give my life completely. I was more scared than any other times in my life. It was an emotion of fear that I had never felt before. And, it was an act of surrender I had never had to do in my life. And, as I was lying there thinking about the dream, I realized this is what it means to give my life fully to God. This was what Jesus had to go through, and what he expects me to go through as well. Surrendering my life, my will, my future is not just a spiritual thing to say, but if you really mean it it is born out of real fear and hesitation. But, when a commitment is made out of this fear, it will remain strong and unwavering. It will even be an experience of true freedom.

As I think about this dream again, I don't know why I had this dream that night. Maybe I was watching too much reports on the current war on Iraq. Maybe I had been thinking about what is my next step of spiritual journey with God. Whether I have really given my all to God and what He wants from me. Maybe I have some fear of losing something dear to me. For instance, would I ever be able to surrender Kathy?

Whatever caused this dream, I know what it caused in me. I taught me in a powerful way that I have a long way to go in giving my life fully to God. Yes, it is what I say and what I want to do. But, no way I have given my life fully to him yet. There is so much more. And, it will be fearful at times. But, God is calling me to face those fears. And, God wants me to still choose him. There will be no excuses, no one to turn to, even Kathy. When God looks at my eyes and asks for more of me, I should be ready. I know I will be - because the Holy Spirit will be there to help me. Well, maybe God has already asked for it from me. God is already asking for my life. And, with all that fear and reservations, I pray I may continue to say yes to his calling...

A Reflection...

It's a time for me to reflect on on some of the changes that are happening in CITC and in my ministry philosophy.

First, I'm very thankful and amazed by the faithful leading of the Holy Spirit that I can clearly see as I reflect on the past several months. You don't often realize at the time, but looking back it's clear for me to see that God's hand was there all along. And, that where I am, where the church is at, is because of God's good will. No, I'm not saying that things couldn't have been better nor that I or we followed God's will perfectly. We could have done many things better, we could have discerned God's will better and earlier, and etc... but in the end we are where God wants us to be and where God wants us to go.

I've realized two significant truths - one about church and one about my leadership.

First, church is a collection of beings, not a place to attend or an organization to belong to. It's not a place to give nor receive religious services. And it's not something we belong to through a membership. Yes, these images of church are partially true. But in it's essence, church is a group of people. Church is a term describing the reality of followers of Christ coming together - to love one another and to love the world, and to proclaim the Gospel. Church is not a physical entity - something you see down the street, but it's a spiritual reality - one that is alive, always evolving, and eternal.

Of course, this understanding of church has been taught to me in various ways. But, the significance for me is that I finally got it! I finally understand what Apostle Paul was talking about when he described church as a body of Christ. I finally understand when other leaders of church cry out that church is not a place, nor a building, but a people. I finally get it - not in any more profound ways that others have but definitely in simple and real way that makes sense to me, my heart and soul. So, for this I thank God - for his faithfulness and patience in teaching me this important truth.

This new understanding of church is then closely tied to my new understanding of what it means to be a pastor and how to exercise my leadership position. Since church is not a religious organization, I'm really not the provider of religious service. I, as a pastor, is not at church to provide for the members what they need for their sense of religious well-being. I'm not hired for this task. Instead, I'm foremost simply one of the persons who make up the church. I'm a Christian before a pastor. As a Christian, like any others, I'm part of a church and I'm here to love and worship God, love others, receive love from God and others, and to shine for Jesus in this world. Theologically speaking, I, with others, am commissioned by Jesus (as God sent Jesus) to 1) represent God through love, 2) serve God's world through mercy, and 3) proclaim the Gospel in truth. This is something God has commmissioned ALL believers to do. And, this is the most fundamental calling for my life as well. In addition, then, I happened to be in a position of influence where others can model after my life as a Christian, where I can direct/help/coach others to live out their life as Christians, and where I can teach others of God's truth. In other words, I'm, first, living as a Christian like any others, and secondly, I'm doing what I can to help others to do the same.

Again, this understand is not anything I haven't heard of. But, the difference is that I think I finally get it to my core being! I feel like I finally see it in a fresh way. Things won't come naturally because of my long standing in the traditional church and pastoral leadership model. But, I thank God because I feel like a new work has begun in me. And, since it's God who started he will see it through.

So, church is pretty simple. Leading a church is also pretty simple. Of course, not easy - but simple. Worship, love, learn the truth, and serve others. As I do these not so easy but simple things about being a Christian, and bring others to join me doing so, the rest is up to God. He will do his work, and the world, Bible promises, will see who Jesus is.

Lord, I thank you for this paradigm shift. Not just trying to do the same things better, but actually doing the right things. Knowing the difference between what is religious and what is spiritual. Making things simple and clear. Setting the course for us. I thank you for your patience and faithfulness. Your tenacity in teaching me these truths. I know it won't come naturally all the time. So, I ask for your Spirit to empower me. I ask you, Holy Spirit, to instill in me your truths, your heart, and your way of things. Help me to give my best. But, in the end, make it so that it will come more and more natural for me. May the Lord be with all of us at CITC in our future together.

CITC's first road trip

On 7/13-7/15, our church went to our very first road trip together (or more like a getaway retreat). We thought about several places in California that we can go in 2-3 days (thought about San Francisco for a while..) and we ended up choosing to go to Big Bear to rent a cabin and just relaaaaaax. It was relatively short drive and we decided to go without any planning (just enough food to eat for 3 days).

Well, it was a relaxing time. Nothing much to do without snow to ski on. There is fishing and water sports to do, but too expensive for our budget. So, for three days, we cooked, ate, watched movies using our portable projector, and ate some more. And, yes, some of us did get one hiking into our busy schedule! Actually, hiking was very nice. Nature, fresh air, sounds of tree, and God...

I believe we learned more things about each other during this getaway together. Most of us like to relax and chill out. Our life in the city is usually very hectic. However we also learned that we want to do a little more planning next time and budget better. But most of all, for me, it was simply another time for our group to learn how to become a family of God together. Oh yes, we also know that we all like Food Network channel!

Indian restaurant

So, some of us went to an Indian restaurant the other day, and even though it clearly wasn't the first time eating an Indian food for any of us we couldn't answer some of the basic questions we had about Indian cuisine and religion - like, what type of Indian cuisine were we actually eating; what's the difference between Sikhism and Hinduism; and is there any religious reason for our waiter wearing a turbin? Here is what I could find from Wikipedia. Feel free to add anything more!

1. There have been many influences on Indian cuisine, but generally speaking there are northern, southern, and eastern styles. However, in American Indian restaurant, you typically see all of three kinds mixed. For example, Tandoori Chicken is considered "northern" for it's cooking style, and chicken tikka masala is considered "western" for it's British influence. Also, "northern" uses more meat ( e.g., kebabs), whereas "southern" is more vegetarian. In terms of their religion, Hinduism and Jainism are vegetarian, whereas Sikhism allows more meat from it's Muslim influence.

2. RELIGION: There is no "national" religion for India. The most prominent ones are Hinduism (80%), Islam (15%), Christianity (2%), Sikhism (2%), and about 1% for Buddhism and Jainism. Sikhism is the fifth largest religion in the world (after Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism), and although some consider it as a sect of Hinduism with influence from Islam, the Sikhism would strongly say not. For example, like Muslim, they believe in one creator God (called Vāhigurū), but like Hinduism, they believe in reincarnation as a path to salvation. Again, some would argue that Sikhism, which originated in India, is really a syncretism between Hinduism and Islam.

3. Lastly, the turbins that India males wear. Actually, this is only for the Sikhs. Their religion prevents them from cutting hair (I guess for life??), so they roll it up and use the turbin to keep it from flowing around too much and also from dirts. So, apparently Hindu Indians don't wear turbins. And, some other muslims from other countries wear turbins as well.

Any other ethnic food next week anyone???

Einstein and God's Calling

Few days ago, I was reading a new biography of Albert Einstein by Walter Isaacson. Of course, we know him as a rocket scientist who invented all sorts of things that we modern people take for granted in our daily lives. But, it was very interesting to me as I read about his childhood background, his personal life, and especially his spiritual contemplations. And, how all of this, in my mind, speaks to our common desire to understand God's calling in our lives and to follow it as best as we can.

First, his childhood begins by being born into a Jewish family living in Germany. Of course, this was before the two World Wars, but what a predicament one finds himself in by being born in such a complex world. Later in his life, Einstein states that he is both Jew and German. More importantly, he asserts to everyone that he is a human being before anything else. In writing a speech to deliver at a gathering to celebrate Israel's independence day, Einstein begins by saying, "I'm here before you not as a Jew, or German, but as a human being..." To me Einstein knew who he was culturally, what his place was in history, but also who he was a creation of God.

One might think that because Einstein was such a devoted scientist he couldn't have been any religious. However, when people would ask him whether he was religious, his answer automatically wouldn't be a simple "no". Like any deep thinker would say, he would ask back "it depends on what you mean by 'religious'". Einstein was a scientist in a period when science and religion existed far apart from each other on any spectrum of civilization that you could think of. The more scientist you were, the less religious you would have to be - or at least most people believed so. But, for Einstein, he thought for himself. And, he believed, on one hand, yes, there are a lot of religious beliefs and expressions that go against the day's scientific knowledge, but on the other hand, he also firmly believed that there are many things in life that science alone simply cannot account for. In other word, Einstein would declare there MUST be a power or agent behind how the world operates but that power or agent is not a personal being that interferes with human lives. In short, Einstein was a firm believer of transcendent God (i.e. God the creator) but wasn't able to accept or believe in God of imminence (i.e. God the Lord or our lives).

This leads to another interesting dichotomy that Einstein believed - that is his pursuit of human creativity yet his belief on determinism. As a scientist and inventor, he always preached on the value of human creativity. Einstein, ever since he was young, defied normality and refused to conform to what was expected. He fought against any and all authoritarian forces and we can see how this was the energy behind his creative and unorthodox science that led to many of his accomplishments. However, he was very strong on determinism. He would say he is not inventing anything. That science is not a trait of invention. But, he would say, science is simply an effort to understand what is already there. He believed in natural laws and science to explain those laws as best as human language can. You see, Einstein believed in God the creator. God who created this world with perfect natural laws of cause and effects. And, no creativity of humans could alter that. But, you would need all your creativity to understand it. Wow, what a profound, seemingly contradictory yet so amazingly true statement he is making! You see, Einstein knew God and the proper place of human before God.

There were so many other interesting things about Einstein's life. How one thing he was bad at was language and couldn't learn how to speak until after 2 years of age... his relationships with women including two marriages... how he worked on his equations even on the day of his death... But, the most interesting observation I could make of his life is that the man knew God and knew himself. He defied authority not because of rebellious spirit but because he had deep convictions - convictions of who God was and who he was as his creation. It's hard to know whether he had a personal relationship with the creator God. But, in his own profound ways, he knew God more than many people ever would. Or at least he lived according to his view of God more convincingly than many would. And, to me, this is what it means to understand and follow God's call in our lives. To know God best as we can and to live this life according to that knowledge. Thanks, Einstein, for being a hero of faith!

SERMON SERIES: "A VISION FOR OUR GENERATION"

We just finished a year-long sermon series on Isaiah called, "A VISION FOR OUR GENERATION!" It was long and required perseverance, but was very fruitful. We began by asking what God's vision was for Isaiah's generation and desiring to know what His vision for our generation might be. It wasn't anything revelatory, but when you think about it even the most common and obvious truth from God is revolutionary. Here are some key phrases we stumbled into while going through the entire book of Isaiah: Vision, Our Generation, Calling, Justice of God, Reign of God, Trust, Jesus Christ, "Salvation is Here", Child of God, Witness of God's salvation, "Salvation is Coming", For everyone, Healing for the nations, Will not rest... You see, if we just took those phrases seriously, the world will be changed!


September: "OUR GENERATION: WHO ARE WE?" (Isaiah 1)

October: "VISION: WHAT IS IT?" (Isaiah 2)

November: "A CALLING FOR GOD'S VISION" (Isaiah 6)

December: "THE MESSIANIC VISION" (Isaiah 7-12)

January: "GOD'S SENSE OF JUSTICE" (Isaiah 13-23)

February: "GOD'S SENSE OF FAITHFULNESS" (Isaiah 25-27)

March: "A STORY OF GOD'S VISION" (Isaiah 36-39)

April: "SALVATION IS HERE!" (Isaiah 40-56)

May: "SALVATION IS COMING!" (Isaiah 57-66)

Funeral

Working as a hospice chaplain, I deal with death and dying everyday. But, the funeral I went yesterday put things in different perspective. It was for one of my co-worker's mom and nephew's sudden death last week. The whole family was on a vacation (grandparents, two sisters, and their 5 kids). And a very tragic car accident led the family to suddenly moan for two members of the family's death - the grandma and one of the kids.

Even for all of us at work who are supposedly the experts on dealing with deaths and losses, this one hit hard for many of us. One, it was so unexpected, and two our co-worker who suddenly lost her mom and a nephew was such a nice person with always positive and cheerful demeanor. She was always the one to lighten things up, and now here she was grieving her biggest loss in her young life.

It is true that we all will die. And, in that sense, death shouldn't come surprising to us. But, when it comes in a way that is least expected and least prepared, it not only comes surprising but shocking and with disbelief. You don't know what to do with it, and it will take many years to be able to come to somekind of resolution and move through the loss and grieving. Even as a chaplain, all I can do is to lift up a prayer for her family - that somewhere in the midst of all this God will be present with them with his comfort and peace.

This death also led me to think about "fear of death" we all have. Someone once said that most of how we live our lives are influenced by our attitude toward death. "Fear of death" doesn't necessarily mean we are afraid of death and dying. But, in my mind, it means we are nervous about the uncertainty and a sense of finality of death. And, this uncertainty and finality shape our present life powerfully and profoundly. And, this is the power of fear of death.

I wonder how much of how I live my life these days is being affected by my unresolved feelings about death. Do I cherish things because I might only get a limited chance at it? Do I rush things because I might run out of my time? Do I compete because I might never get another chance? Where is my sense of grace, giving, and assurance of life after death? Do I really believe in eternal life - so much that I live present life accordingly?

Yes, We will all die one day like everyone else will. The issue really is not when or how we will die but how we live our lives until our death one day. Are we living running away from death or are we living embracing the perspective that death brings and also the life after it?

Trips to NY and Chicago

Traveling sometimes has a way of stretching and shaping your thoughts in a way you couldn’t have predicted. Maybe it’s the new people and places you encounter. Probably some new food you explore. Or, simply the plane rides that take you way above the clouds and give you permission to think a little more ideally that when you were on the earth… Whatever the case is, I’ve gotten to enjoy the opportunities to travel out of town, out of county, and out of my immediate surroundings.

This past month, I’ve had two great opportunities to travel. One was to New York City with Kathy, my wife, to attend a conference on “Multicultural Congregations”. It was an opportunity to meet many other pastors and leaders from various parts of the county who share the common vision of building a multicultural and multiracial congregation as a witness to God’s kingdom and an act of obedience to his call to the church.

First of all, being in NY City was awesome. I had been there several times before, but it was the first time for Kathy. It was just great to experience a new city with her and absorbing the sounds and sights of various cultures of this amazing city. It broadened our views on life, ministry, and people in general. Secondly, being with those whom we shared the common vision was both encouraging and educational. We were motivated for the work ahead of us, and we were given some tools and strategies on how to navigate the mysterious road of being who we are yet also becoming who God wants us to be.

The second trip is to Chicago by myself for 3 days from where I am currently coming back as I write this – yes in the plane, window seat, above the clouds and the corn fields of Iowa or something… It’s not the best scenery but at least I am high above. This trip was a “retreat” with other young pastors in my denomination, Reformed Church in America. We were all invited by the general secretary of the denomination to spend 48 hours together to connect and dream together the future of our life together as a denomination. What it means to be part of RCA, what it means to be missional in this age, how to work together and support one another…

This trip wasn’t necessary a time of stretching my thoughts or learning new things. But, it has given me an image to take home with me. Two fish and five loaves of bread that a boy gave to Jesus which in turned fed 5000 people…. No church is perfect, no pastor is perfect, and no denomination is perfect. There is always something that is lacking in our mind. And, that’s why we work hard to make it better, to grow and to complete the task before us. But, it’s also ok to be lacking, because in its state of lacking it is also sufficient. We can lack in many ways but as long as our hearts are fully devoted to God and his kingdom work, whether God turns it around and feeds 5000 or not, he first says it is enough and will honor the offering and multiply it in his own ways. Often not in immediate ways with noticeable results, but soon or later it will feed 5000.

I thank God for the two trips I was able to make this month - for God's perspectives, for renewal of my spirit, and for focus of vision and faith.

Virginia Tech

In the beginning, I was STUNNED and HORRIFIED like everyone else. "Not again! How many died??? What kind of psycho did it this time?"

But, as I began to learn the identity of the killer, I became distressed on a different level. "An Asian did it?" "What, a Korean American???" I felt SHAMED and almost APOLOGETIC.

First of all, on this day (5 days since the event), I still feel very sorry for the losses of innocent lives. I think as the shock value is wearing off a little, it's becoming more and more painful to think about all those young lives that are cut short and the grieving that their family has to go through for a long time to come. And, how about the professors who died. They probably never thought that they would die while teaching in classrooms when they first signed on to be teachers. What a loss, what a tragedy, and my heart and prayer goes to everyone who have been directly affected by this event.

On a more personal level, though, this event has made me think about many things - the state of America as a nation, what it means for me to be an American, and how I should live my life as an American.

In short, this event, in some strange ways, made me take more ownership of this nation that I have lived for the past 20 some years. It's no longer a nation that I "happen" to live in, or a society that I am trying to "fit in". More importantly, it's not a society that make me and other ethnic people feel suppressed and discriminated against - a sort of "victim mentality". Rather, I'm powerfully reminded that we are all in this together - the majority and minorities... the entitled and the marginalized... We are in this together because we all have the potential to affect others - both for good and in this unfortunate way for bad. Yes, this guy was a crazy guy, but through his crazy act, I saw the civic responsibility we all have toward building a safer and more just society. And, that includes culturally marginalized people like myself and other Asian Americans.

I pray for God's healing in the hearts of many who were directly affected by this event. But, I also pray that this event will give everyone a new sense of civic responsibility that goes beyond assimilation into the majority and one that is more powerful than feelings of victim-mentality that often result from one's failure to assimilate. And, I now know it starts from me.

Easter Reflection (John 20:1-8)

1. For Jews in Jesus’ time, they were strictly forbidden to go outside during Sabbath – one day of rest in each week. Sabbaths were on today’s Saturdays. So, when Jesus died and was laid in a tomb late Friday afternoon, no one could go near it until early Sunday morning when the Sabbath rule was lifted. Mary Magdalene, a devoted follower of Jesus Christ, could hardly wait until Sunday morning to go see his body – to make sure all is well, to clean up his body, to put perfume and ointment on his body. So, off she went. The very first hour she was allowed to go outside. Mary probably couldn’t sleep at all on Saturday night. Because all that was on her mind was Jesus, her Lord and Savior.

What about you? What is the first thing that is on your mind? On each day, and in your life generally? If you had one thing or person to see, what or who it would be? What is the love of your life? What would wake you up at 5 in the morning of your life?




2. “The other disciple” in this passage refers to John – the disciple who wrote this Gospel. He was one of the twelve disciples who lived with Jesus for the previous three years. But, it’s interesting to note that it was only when Jesus was no longer with him physically that he “believed.” When he could see, he didn’t believe – because he relied on physicality. But, when he couldn’t see he relied on his spirit and believed in faith.

On this Easter morning, we don’t see Jesus with our physical eyes. But can you believe it! Can you believe that he rose from the dead and in his resurrection we are given a new life of faith and hope? Can you believe that in him you have salvation?

Easter Reflection (Isaiah 53)

One thing that strikes me is the fact that he “did not open his mouth.” Jesus knew what was happening – that he was being wrongly accused because of people’s jealousy and pride. But, he did not open his mouth. He did not try to explain himself and correct what has gone wrong.

Because he knew God’s will was bigger than what was right at the moment. “Yet it was LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer...” Jesus knew he was being wrongly accused. But, he knew God’s righteousness transcends the humanly sense of what is fair and right. Instead of fixing what has gone wrong around him – which he could have done easily if he wanted to - Jesus had his mind set on simply trusting and following God’s will. For Jesus, the cross meant trusting in God’s bigger will when “wrong” things were happening at the moment.

How about us? Are we seeking to follow God’s will? Or are we more concerned about doing what we think is the right thing to do? For example, will you be able to be silent about injustices in and around your life if God said simply trust and follow him? Could you believe God’s righteousness is bigger than what is fair or even what is right at the moment? Can you let God be God and simply trust him? In what ways is God asking you to simply trust him and in his will?

Images from recent worship service